Why love is primarily dependent on ourselves and what we can do to lead a happy relationship. A love relationship is an activity between two partners, which is ideally characterized by awareness, openness, commitment and the desire to engage each other again and again.
1 # Stay on the carpet
Of course you can dream of. But it is to find a partner or to lead a happy relationship is ever more unrealistic are your wishes and expectations of love, the more difficult. A partner is not need completing, nor desires-of-the-eyes-reader, even if Hollywood films suggest to us that only too happy. A partner is at best a sovereign Compared with their own desires and expectations. Partnership means negotiate, set priorities and make compromises from both sides.
2 # Talk about your feelings and your needs
No one can read minds. Open up to each other: Share your feelings, your fears, and your wishes. Do not wait until the disappointments and frustrations have been dammed and only cause trouble talking or even thinking about a separation. Important: Sometimes needs change over time. Do not forget to share this changes your partner. Changes are signs of vitality and growth. And nothing is more fulfilling than a union between two people who turn to each other again and again and try to understand the other.
3 # Respect differences
To understand does not always agree with each other. Something like two partners may also be – they are always two different, separate individuals. To have a relationship does not mean to give up for the other or to request it from the partner. It has similarities and close, but you respect and value the differences. Maybe you can just learn from each other and thus somewhat evolve.
4 # Do not be afraid of conflict
You are inevitable in a real relationship. If two personalities merge their life, causes friction. In many areas, solutions are found, certain themes will remain tense. This does not mean that your relationship is doomed. Each pair has to contend with both detachable and with insoluble problems. Couples who have never disagree, often live in symbiotic relationships in which disharmonies are “swallowed” by one or both of which may lead to deep resentment and alienation over time. Happy couples keep their confidence and humor as they negotiate solvable problems and learn to live with the insoluble problems over time.
5 # Set apart, but stay fair
It does not matter whether a pair of ruining loud or soft. The worst fouls communication are: Devastating criticism of the person of the partner, rather than to express concrete criticism of his conduct; to justify himself, instead of responding to the feelings of the partner; Contempt and retreat. If you are in dispute emotional contact with your partner lose and fall into a destructive armed spiral, cancel the discussion. Arrange the same time a new, timely appointment “cooled” go on. If you cannot solve a conflict alone, seek professional help, the sooner the better. To get support is not a declaration of bankruptcy, but a sign of how important your relationship.
6 # Can you live with yourself
Many unhappy couples go after an argument to tolerate without getting into everyday life over. It follows an injury to the next, no wound heals ever made. To the vital measures in a relationship, it belongs to approach small conciliatory steps each other to express apologies, but also to accept. If you have made a mistake, apologize and try to change your behavior accordingly. If your partner has made a mistake, think about what you need to forgive your partner. Some wounds take time to heal, but a couple needs in the most difficult moments of peace and resting phases with each other. It is important to give debates a frame and to finish them aware. Appreciate the little progress or understandings that have taken place between you and your partner. Find rituals that you indicate both that you are willing to approach again. Let no great crisis of many small conflicts.
7 # Recognize your own share of relationship problems
Every person carries with him a packet. Many partnership conflicts sparked by our legacy as we believe the other bear sole liability. Find out who experienced injuries in childhood lead to current difficulties: In which situations do you confuse your partner with a parent? When you are flooded with childhood feelings of powerlessness and can no longer respond grow up? What conflicts are repeated again and again in your life? As long as you reenact your old subjects unconsciously with your partner, you are both prisoners of the past. But the better you understand your own patterns, the sooner you can counter them and eventually even dissolve.
8 # Take responsibility
Do not think that your partner could do to make it run better, but catch in yourself to be a better partner. Find out how you can please your partner and how he (or she) feels loved and seen. Convey your love. We tend to keep the most important people in our lives for granted. Often we lose over a relationship, our rose-colored glasses and criticize our partners rather than to praise him. It takes five times more praise than criticism, to create a comfortable relationship climate.
9 # Do not compare yourself with others
The best friends have more fun with each other, the more sex neighbors, colleagues less money worries? Listen to compare your partner and your relationship with others. From the outside, things are often different from what they feel inside. And exactly this is the point: How do you feel in your relationship as your partner feels. Every relationship is a creative act between two people. Each couple dancing a very special dance with each other and tare of proximity and distance needs finds his balance and rhythm. No matter what others say or think so.
10 #The relationship is what you make of it
Every day. Not the highs and the lows make a love relationship, but especially between the times. There are times, such as family formation or during breaks vocational, where you do not pull the fulfillment of your relationship that you would like. Stay calm and mindful at the same time. Create yourself oases where you can meet. Surprise your partner from time to time. Maintain your relationship as a garden – every day a little. Plant seeds, harvest, watch, trust, enjoy, and make love. “